drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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