How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
