I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
