My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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