Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Randomize
