I am puke
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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