dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
