I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
