He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Randomize
