i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize