The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
dude. I can hear the air.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
