Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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