so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
