That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize