My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
