I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
