As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
