Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Randomize
