yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
