She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Randomize
