the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
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