Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
