They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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