I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My vagina just recognized that song.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
