the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
