I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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