I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
