I am full of burrito and curiosity
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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