Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
