Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I feel like abortions should bother me more
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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