Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
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