i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
