I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
