There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
nutella sex= disaster
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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