Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
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