So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
