You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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