she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
