After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
