So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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