He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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