The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize