can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
