U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Randomize
