I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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