you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I will pee on everything he values.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
