There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
