it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
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