Life is so much better after having sex.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
