You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
