how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize