just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
