Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
