have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
