i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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