God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
