Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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