i permit you to call me
I wish I only lived at night.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
