Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
