Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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