just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
