i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
