just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
