do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
