Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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