My nipple is on Facebook.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
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