it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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