why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
