considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
