my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
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