I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
