I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
