So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
So much rum. So many feels.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
