she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize