Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
