someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize