Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
