we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
