So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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