I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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