he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Randomize
