I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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