you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
