UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
