Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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