is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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