Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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