my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
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