i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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