I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
So squirting runs in the family.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
