New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
