I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
