Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize