Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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