I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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