dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
