remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
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