I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
