my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
soo... how was my night?
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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