o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
