Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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