dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
