I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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